My summer professor,
and the supervising professor,
standing behind her,
tested my knowledge after
nearly 2 years.
It was almost done
but the emotions
did not want to meet my brain.
Tears threatened at the edge of my lids.
I hear nothing from her moving lips.
I am dead weight in the mud of my limitations
and because of this, I can’t explain any of this away.
The words met my ears
but the process could go no farther
to answer her question.
“Never amount to anything…
freak” my insecurities spat.
I tried not to panic in the face of
my professor’s pleading look
and the supervisor’s smugness aimed at her back.
When I couldn’t answer
my professor’s face fell.
The supervisor took me
Into the hallway and said
“You passed this test by the skin of your teeth,
Maybe you should find some other major.”
I walked away as the walls crumbled
underneath their disapproving stares.
I failed everyone and… myself
and it sickened me to my core.
Truth was, I wanted to help people
but I didn’t want to touch
naked people for the rest of my life.
What else can I do?
Psychology intrigues me
as much as the classes scare me.
I can wrap my mind around it all now,
I just needed time.
If only I knew that then.
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