Me reading my poetry

This is a series of 7 poems with a bonus story at the end, about how I used Loki to get better sex out of The Fifth. The fifth is in reference to my last and fifth boyfriend.

I had been consumed by this past relationship for a few months now. So much so, I had to stop all my writing, and other creative endeavors, to get this out of me and out of the way of everything else. So here is the youtube link to all of the videos. click the youtube bottom to get to all of them or click the 1/8 in the upper left corner.

thank you

-Silvaan Ruth-


Poem From MTWYS: Fourth Grade Evaluation


Fourth Grade Evaluation

I remember bits and pieces of it.
The pattern she showed me,
I could not decipher then,
now has faded completely.

What I remember the most
was how my mother fished for
more of an answer than just,
“I am a ‘learning disability.’”
I remember how the woman answered

voice rushed as if, overheard,
she would be fired.
“Twenty years ago your daughter
would be severely dyslexic.”

Now I’m weirder than ever.
Now I’m a stupid girl with a fancy label.
I am in this world where I am weird,
created for the teasing of my peers.

I don’t want to be weird.
I want to be me, but
who am I at this desk
if not a weird dyslexic?
My mother however, told me when I asked,
“What does ‘dyslexic’

“It means you have to be
really smart to be dyslexic.”
She said.

Sadly, the good things said
are often drowned out by the bad…

for I was a Learning Disability
to everyone who taught me.
“Hopeless”, they thought as they threw out
my test scores to make their
school look smarter.

Thrown into a room with two others
that knew no other label. Really,
just a learning disability?

Pulled out of class
to do work with the Special teacher…
Now I am special? Another way of saying
now I am a weird-stupid-learning-disability.

Another would tell my mother I was…”So severe”
that I would never learn to write or read.

Never amount to anything…
you stupid-weird-learning-disabled-
freak…is all I heard.

By Silvaan Ruth

For more of these Poems click Here

Healing emotional trauma/shift in the mind

shift in the mind
to love myself
no fantasies of another that does
and doesn’t exist.
I let it go.
what do I need
to feel good
inside and out
food, water
self love
that fills me up
and strengthens
my spine
warm fuzzy cement
what a little
shift will do

Let it go, is a statement I have heard often. Especially…

Let it go, is a statement I have often heard.
Especially after the movie frozen

Someone pisses you off
Or breaks your heart
And they say just let it go
I have said that myself to people.
And it’s unfair really
Because it’s never that easy.

It takes guts to let something go
Because you have to dive in
To its frigid existence
And like the Jain’s did to their karma
You have to burn off the sadness and anger
With writing and tears
But with the intend to get rid of it
It’s never easy

It can never just be all at once
Or you would go insane
Because you have to face the pitfalls of your own psyche
And no one wants to find out and admit to being wrong
Or imperfect. You have to except yourself for all the imperfections
For as you burn off all of your anger and sadness
All of those imperfections will come up and give you more reasons
To run and hide in whatever you can find
and sometimes you do because you can’t handle it all at once.
But the pain and anger nags under your belly and under your greeting smiles.
And soon you will go home curl up
cry and write it all out
all over again.

But months pass and you look inward and you realize its working
The sadness and anger aren’t gone but its lesser than
Before you started
and it’s wonderful
And then something bigger happens
And you don’t want to dive into that frigid hell again
But it’s the only way to truly let it go.

by SR